Andrew Homer, Parp Strar

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On the weekend, Matt Presutti rocks hardcore, pouring Celtic flavored melodies from his guitar onto crowds of onlookers sticky with sweat and beer. During the week, he eats lunch at Subway.

Matt and I went to the Glouster Subway. I ordered a kids meal, which came in a number 2 plastic bag. An advertisement for Disney's show about a teen pop star, Hannah Montana, filled one side of the bag. It featured a four question quiz to rate my 'pop star-ness.' Alas, I'm not yet a pop star, though Disney assures me 'stardom is just around the corner!' Question number two really did me in. I had to admit that I never wear sunglasses when a true pop star - like Hannah Montana - probably wears them all the time. Even in her sleep. Even when she's developing negatives in the dark room. Even in the Unending Night of Disney, Inc.'s secret, evil black heart.

The bag went on to tell me how to pick my pop star name. 'Take the name of your best friend and follow it with the city you most want to visit. Viola! You have your very own POP STAR [sic.] alias!'

I chose my middle school best friend, Andrew, and a town Mariah the dancer told me about, Homer, Alaska. Andrew Homer. It just rolls off the tongue.

'Everyone needs a pop star alter-ego!' says the bag. I couldn't agree more.

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