Blog-azic

The Station - the place I go when she's gone - with an IPA, I was watching the rain drip off the roof - gentle streams, pseudorandom - and thinking that the only time I come close to that - that uninhibited, natural, plugged-into-quantum-fluctuational, brazen existential - is when I am playing guitar, flat picking around chords. So, tonight I sat and played my old six string, while the evening slipped into night, and the dog napped in the hall, and I sang like the whole world was listening, and paradoxically, like I was all alone.

I went for a walk today, alone, in the hammocks on the edge of Key Largo. The smell of wet, rotting leaves wafted up, and the air was stuffy. It felt like fall up north. A dodging path, a hint of fear - something unknown here, something unseen. Black mosquitoes with stinging bites. Strange holes in the ground. Poison wood with oily, black spots. Trees reaching long fingers down to ground, sucking salty water, forming fences like wrought iron ... the murky wood, the black forest. I pondered my life: what does it all mean? What do I want? What have I got? How can I live beyond my years? I want greatness, uniqueness. I want determination and surprise. Adventure and stamina. And yet, I want to be more still, even beyond myself. A part of something larger. Like the great dance of the shoreline.The slow retreat of a sea. The gradual building of a reef. Oh that I could be a tuft of sea weed, or a mangrove shoot. One of many countless things building a island. A real purpose. A greater go...

On my lunch break, zipping to the bank (tax time, sigh). It was sitting under a lawn tree outside of the Sheraton plucking away at red guts. I pulled into the parking lot conveniently behind a tree and out of site so that I could carefully walk up to the hawk. About five feet away I came into it's view. It stopped and stared at me beak a-gapping! When I moved around it's back to see it's tail, it swooped up with it's squirrel in tow leaving behind congealed blood and squiggles of intestine. Wonder what kind of hawk I saw?

That's all we are really - energy smears on a quantum fluctuation. In this perspective, irreparable harm takes on a different meaning. I speculated to Susan as we did our Saturday chores. What's the worst I can do? Forced proton decay? Take away your ability to form matter? You'd be a weak energy field diluted over the whole of space. Ah, but we're not much more anyways. Little energy smears going round and round the same path in our solar system at the same relative speed. I watch TNG and I wonder at the endless adventures that a starship crew could find in the cosmos. Bizarre ruptures in space time. Dimensional shifts. Quantum creatures. How extraordinary. And what adventures do I find? A deformed spring beauty (seriously). Peas are up in the garden. New Elvis record. In my world, matter is always perfectly coalesced, time is nice straight line, and quantum fluctuations are a thought experiment, but then again, here I am traveling the same path in space, at the same...

2/23/2014 - Planted peas (two rows) and onions (red; sets) in West Bed. Repaired fence in West Bed. 3/9/2014 - Planted onions (yellow; sets) in East Bed. Moved comfrey, passion flower, and sage.

Since it was a bit after lunch, and since Benji was restless, I put him on a leash and off we went down the road and back on the muddy trail that goes by the pumping station. Mud and more mud (five inches of snow melt) and we're in a floodplain no less, so that I pulled the dog off the path and tracked through the snow and brown brush, but even that I couldn't stand. I'm too turned on to plants and especially poison ivy and I could see all the dormant little fingers of it reaching up through the dirt, not yet in leaf (not for a couple more months) but still irking my good sense to tramp right through it all. So, Benji and me turned around and walked through the abandoned field just north of the house. At one point, I saw a mess of deer tracks stamped in the mud with no real direction to follow. Further on by a drainage creek, I spied an Elder bush and remembered last year: I picked them. No I didn't. But yes I did, just one weekend morning after Susan had gone to Colora...

Much has happened since my last post... First, Susan and I are engaged. It was quite unexpected for the both of us. After work one Friday (December the 20th), I was talking to Susan as she prepared to go out for dinner. I thought her eyes were mesmerizing, and the question just popped out of me! Second, we rescued a puppy that was found a stray by a few friends. His name is Benji, and he is a beagle mutt. He is now about 5 months old. Third, and finally, I have been doing a lot of traveling! Last week in Philly (CHOP upgrade) and this week to Maricopa, where I hope I can solve some ongoing and quite troubling problems. I've been troubleshooting this since Christmas eve!